Vintage Doc No. 1

Festival of Faith, June 1980 --- With thanks to "DP"

I don't know whether to call him a bureaucrat or a whoopee Christian. It's the same way... all a whoopee Christian wants to do is dance, clap and be happy and if ya hit him on the head all he's gonna do is squawk. I don't know who did it, but somebody, I think it was one of the Lee College student singers said, call it a whoopee-crat. Before I knew it in my discussions, the bureaucrats had representatives of the Attorney General's office filing formal papers produced at taxpayer expense down in the LA federal and state courts complaining that I was denegrating them by representing them as mechanical monkey, windup, electric toys on TV... and I said, so be it. Since they recognize the resemblance, I'll go along with it.

And these monkeys became our Bureaucratic Monkey Band, it's the Festival Monkey Band. And when a bureaucrat performs or a civil servant performs in such a manner that he can only be adequately represented as the missing link, we give him a particular honor. I formed a university called CUSS-U University. CUSSU comes from Come On United States, Stand Up.

I invite all of you to become alumni. All you have to do is be sufficiently educated in police brutality and bureaucratic idiocy, to have had such exposure that you recognize it as such and you are graduated. We grant honorary degrees to particular abuses of civil power. This will be the only time we've granted 2 such degrees in the same night.

To officers Ryan and Valles... I'm gonna give them an honorary degree tonight. Dr. Gene Scott grants to officers Ryan and Valles this week's graduated Bureaucratic Monkey award, otherwise known as a graduated BM award. On behalf of CUSSU University, Dr. Gene Scott president confers upon you its most rankest honor... the MLD degree, Missing Link Doctor. This degree should be prized by you, framed and displayed prominently for all to see. It is based on your contribution to science by personifying the answer to a question baffling scientists for generations... you are, the missing link. Professor Darwin sends regrets from the grave that he did not live to see this day. However, in his absence on June 9, 1980 you were saluted on Dr. Gene Scott's network television series by the Festival Bureaucratic Monkey Band for at least one minute, to the rapt attention of hundreds of thousands of delighted listeners. You have earned this MLD degree by the distinguished actions described in the attached descriptions of your activities. The Festival Bureaucratic Monkey Band gave you its salute in recognition of your proof by your actions of their link to the human race, even though lowest of all human forms, namely a bureaucrat.

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