Barney Raped My Family!!!
From: reuben@safe-t-child.com (Reuben King)
Date: Tue, 17 Oct 1995 15:46:23 -0500
Organization: SAFE-T-CHILD
Message-ID: <reuben-1710951546230001@austin-2-5.i-link.net>
NNTP-Posting-Host: austin-2-5.i-link.net
X-Newsreader: Yet Another NewsWatcher 2.0.1
Status: RO
THIS IS NOT A JOKE!!!!!!
Last wednesday, we were all sitting on our fat lazy asses eating TV
dinners and tolerating Barney for my daughter.. I was digging my finger
up my nose chasing a big ripe booger which just wouldn't come out, when
all of a sudden a let a big, deep, loud fart rip out of my flabby
butt-cheeks. To this, my daughter turned to me and said "DAD!!! WILL
YOUPLEASE _QUIT_?!?! YOU'RE RUINING THE SHOW!!" To this,
I ripped another follow-up fart and flicked my big juicy booger onto the lens
of her thick glasses.
"HAHAHAHAHA!! YOU STUPID FUCKPUDDLE!! HAHAHAHA!"
I laughed as she smeared the big booger all over her glasses.
"MOM!!!" my loving daughter cried to my loving wife (sitting next to me),
"DAD FLICKED A BIG NASTY BOOGER ONTO MY GLASSES
AND HE WON'T STOP FARTING!!!"
"Well, honey, then you gotta do THIS.." she replied, and simultaneously
plunged her fist into my sweat&shit-stained-boxer-short-clad crotch.
She must have shoved my huge horse balls clear up into my stomach, because
all the color left my face and my blood-shot eyes rolled into the back of
my head and a little squirt of warm liquid shit escaped my ass.
As I was trying to get some air into my lungs, my wife and daughter were
laughing their asses off!! I was fixing to reach for my burning cigar to
show into my wife's left tit when all of a sudden...
...THE FRONT DOOR FLEW OPEN AND WHO STOOD THERE BUT...
BARNEY HIMSELF!!
I WAS FUCKIN AMAZED!!! Here I was, in my FUCKING UNDERWEAR,
my face blue with pain, fixing to roast my bitch wife's tit, when who the FUCK should
come into my living room but FUCKING BARNEY!!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!
But I was in for more!! From behind his back, Barney pulled out an UZI
9mm SUBMACHINE GUN!! My balls were both pulsating like.. well, I don't
fuckin know, but they were PULSATING.. and my wife started screaming shit
like "OH FUCK!!!"
At that moment, Barney squeezed the trigger, and deposited about 15 rounds
into my wife, spraying her innards all over myself and my daugher, who was
too stupified to do anything.
"YOU THINK I'M JUST SOME FUCKING STUPID ASS PURPLE FAG
DINOSAUR WHO JUMPS AROUND ON YOUR FUCKING TV SET
DON'T YOU, YOU FAT AMERICAN FUCK!!!!!!!!" he bellowed as he
trained his smoking Uzi somewhere in the area of my sweaty forehead.
I didn't know what the hell to say to that, but I thought fast: "Uh, no
sir. I like your songs" I gasped.
"YOU LIKE MY STUPID SONGS, DO YA?!!?! WELL, YOU'RE GONNA
_LOVE_ THIS ONE!!! THIS IS MY "I LOVE TO SKULL-FUCK YOUR WIFE"
SONG!!!" he yelled back at me. At that moment, with his other arm, he pulled
out
a 12-guage gas semi-auto Beretta shotgun and blew my wife's head into a red haze
of brains and gore. He then threw both weapons to the ground, and waddled
over to my wife, who was now laying sprawled out, half on the sofa, and half
on the floor. He reached towards his crotch, and produced the BIGGEST DAMN
PURPLE PENIS I'VE EVER FRIGGIN SEEN!!!! This monster must have been
at least 18 inches long!! And then HE STARTED SKULL-FUCKING MY
WIFE'S DISTINTEGRATED HEAD!!!! I COULDN'T BELIEVE MY EYES!!!
At this, my daugher fell backwards and fainted. I couldn't believe what I
was seeing!! BARNEY was in MY house!! And he was SKULLFUCKING
MY WIFE!!! I was frantically trying to remember where I put my Polaroid,
when that little green sidekick of Barney's walked through the door. "BARNEY!!"
she bellowed, not bothering to take the cigarette out of the corner of her mouth.
"WE GOTTA GET TO THE STUDIO IN 5 MINUTES AND YOU'RE WASTING
TIME DOING THIS SHIT?!?!!? GETCHER FAT PURPLE ASS UP AND INTO
THE VAN!! WE'RE WAITING!!"
Barney stopped pumping my wife's head for a moment and looking over his
shoulder, shouted back "OH, KISS MY ASS, YOU LAZY BITCH!!! I CAN DO
WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT!!! I'M FUCKIN _BARNEY_ FOR CHRIST'S
SAKE!! I RULE THE WORLD!!" and returned to humping my wife.
The little green lizard had a pretty frustrated look on her face. "FUCK YOU!! I
DON'T NEED THIS SHIT!!!! I CAN GET WORK ON MY OWN WITHOUT
HANGING AROUND YOUR SICK PSYCHO ASS!!!" she bellowed. Barney didn't
even bother to reply. Her face grew red, and reaching behind her, she produced a big
.44 Magnum revolver!!! "EAT THIS YOU CHILD MOLESTING MAGGOT SHIT
MOTHERFUCKER!!!!" she howled as she emptied all 5 chambers into the back
of Barney's head.
Barney's brains and hot gore sprayed all over the entire room. The little
green fucker just wasted Barney!!! What the fuck was going on around
here??!!?!?!?!? What was my daughter going to do now???!!!!
I was in a state of mixed shock, panic, fear, and surprise!! Why the hell
didn't I go get my polaroid and take pictures?!?!
Greenie turned towards me and said, with a wicked leer on her face, "SO!!
You think I'm just gonna let you and your bitch daughter walk out of here,
now?!?!" She leveled her .44 onto me, and all that came out of me was a
weak drawn-out fart. "Uh, are you really that little green dinosaur?" I
asked, weakly. "LITTLE GREEN DINOSAUR!!! HAHAHA!!! YOU LARD
ASS!!! NO-ONE KNOWS MY NAME!! THEY ONLY KNOW _HIS_
NAME! (indicating Barney, I presumed) BUT NOT ANYMORE!! HAHAHA!!"
and this moment she squeezed the trigger of her revolver several times, but all that
came about was a few clicks of the empty gun. Whew!
At this moment, who should appear, but Mr. Rogers, wearing a muscle shirt
and holding a Mossberg pump shotgun!!! Before anyone could say anything,
he quickly pumped 5 shots into greenie, spraying her innards all over the
floor and wall. "HAHAHA YOU COMMUNIST SHITBACK!! I FINALLY
TRACKED YOU DOWN!!!" he screamed with glee over her steaming corpse.
I'll tell you more about the rest later...
SEE YA!
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